The rest of the day seemed to drift by around Sora.
He was in school and doing the work and going through the motions, but his head and his heart were elsewhere.
Guilt was ripping its way through his body and mind even though he'd confessed to Axel.
He scribbled circles idly as he thought about what he said.
<'Tonight I'll be here in this car park… I'm leaving either way '1 am... I'll be here, if you're not here by 1.10 I'll know you're not coming... And I promise I won't hold it against you… I'll accept that I brought this upon myself.'
I wonder if he'll come?>
He stared towards the top of the classroom looking at the teacher and hearing what they were saying but not actually taking anything in…
His gut was full of butterflies, partially because he was dead set on leaving tonight…
Partially because he wondered if Axel would actually show up…
<I have a little money saved up… I could get a job, sleep beside him every night… Actually have someone who loves me, not for sex but someone who actually wants to be with me…>
He looked down at the book in front of him and smiled a sad smile which quickly turned into a frown.
<If he doesn't show I'll be all alone…
But I can't stay in that house with Roxas anymore, our relationship has soured, I can't trust him and I feel like he doesn't want me around anyway…
Our parents have that horrible awkward feeling back like after we told them we were gay…
I can't do that again.
It just hurts too much…
At least if I go, regardless of what happens I have a chance at a new start.>
Roxas stared across the tables at him feeling angry and jealous, but when he saw his brothers expression…
He just couldn't be angry anymore.
His expression was sad…
Even though he was taking notes on the class his heart clearly wasn't in it.
<Maybe I should try talk to him after class…
But what If he's still angry at me?
I should probably just bite the bullet and tell him I'm sorry…
Although him and Axel did look kinda…>
Roxas shook the thought away.
<That just cannot be…
He loves me… Right?>
His blue eyes looked hopefully over in Sora's direction who was still staring at his desk scribbling notes and little doodles…
The blonde rested his hand against his face staring at the teacher.
<I wonder if he even noticed that I'm sitting closer to him?>
At the end of school Sora took his bag and walked towards the nearest exit…
He didn't even stop to put his books away in his locker.
<It's not like it matters anyway right?
I won't be coming back…>
A little smile made it's way to Sora's face as this thought crossed his mind…
<No more school, no more judgement…
I'll be free to do as I please…
I guess asking Axel to make that kind of a sacrifice for me was kind of nuts…
Maybe we can get night time jobs and do school during the day…?>
Roxas watched as Sora totally caught up in his own thoughts walked right by his locker…
That same dazed expression on his face…
<He's probably not stopping because I'm here…
Okay so he's still mad…
But he can't avoid me at home…>
Roxas followed Sora out of the school like a lost puppy, keeping a little bit behind him at all times, but wanting to approach him.
<Maybe I should just walk right up to him and…>
Before Roxas could even finish that thought he walked up behind Sora and grabbed his wrist tugging slightly making the brunette turn around.
Sora looked at him curiously and pulled out one of his headphones.
"What?"
Roxas looked into his eyes trying to convey what he felt without saying anything, but by the look on Sora's face he clearly wasn't having any of it.
"Look… I'm sorry."
The brunette held his gaze not smiling or showing any signs of happiness.
"Okay then."
Sora then turned away putting his headphone back in his ear and continued walking down the street.
The blonde stood alone watching him walk away.
<He doesn't even seem to care…>
Roxas ran after Sora and walked beside him, but Sora never said a word…
He never even bothered to take his headphones out…
It was obvious to Roxas his head was miles away, maybe not even that far…
His thoughts were on Axel wherever he was…
Roxas looked at his twin with small sideways glances, Sora never even tried to sneakily gaze over at him once.
When they arrived at the gate to their garden Sora opened and walked straight through it…
He opened the door with his keys, he usually just knocked…
But the most worrying thing of all to Roxas was, he didn't once glance backwards to see why the blonde hadn't moved any further than the gate, he just left the front door open and walked straight upstairs.
<I've seriously fucked up this time.>
Sora threw his bag down on the bed and lay down beside it for a few moments just letting the task at hand spread out through his mind like a new days sunrise.
<I've said I'll do it…
I've made a plan…
Now tonight I just have to stick to it.>
Roxas walked into the room and looked at his brother laying down on the bed with his headphones in and his eyes closed.
His blue eyes searched his brothers relaxed form hungrily.
<I wonder if I…?>
Roxas slowly and very quietly approached the side of his brothers bed and leaned down kissing his brother's soft lips causing the brunette to jump and push him away…
Sora took his headphones out staring at his brother with a look of disgust on his usually happy features.
"Could you please not do that…?"
Roxas looked sadly at his brother.
"I-I thought you liked it…"
Sora sighed.
"Once upon a time…"
Before trying to put his headphones back in.
"Sora?"
The brunette opened his eyes again and put his headphones down looking irritated at being interrupted.
"What?"
The blonde gulped both wanting and dreading the answer to the question on his tongue.
"Don't… Don't you love me anymore?"
Sora rolled his eyes smiling momentarily.
"Of course I love you…"
Roxas felt relief run though him for a moment when Sora's face got very dark and he hit him with the second part of this statement which he knew would kill his twin inside.
"We're twins remember…"
The blonde's blood ran cold as these words left Sora's lips.
"W... What?"
Sora shrugged.
"After all… What we were doing was wrong… And…"
Roxas was in shock.
<This can't be happening…>
"I'm in love with someone else."
Roxas's eyes shot up to meet Sora's.
"What?"
The brunette smiled happily resting his face lazily against his hand.
"I'm in love with someone else."
Roxas shook his head.
"You can't fall in love that quickly… It's just not possible."
Sora kept eye contact with his brother.
"You can doubt my feelings all you like Roxas… But I know what I'm feeling and so does he…"
The brunette slid off the edge of his bed and walked towards their bedroom door only to have Roxas shove him against their wardrobe and pinning both of his wrists above his head start kissing his neck.
"Ugh… What the hell Roxas… Lemme go!"
Roxas held his wrists with one hand and used the other to pull up his t shirt, blue eyes met blue before the blonde moved his lips to one of Sora's nipples.
"Ugh! Roxas… Stop it!"
The blonde was relentless and letting his brothers t shirt fall back down over his exposed skin undid his jeans.
"We'll see who's in love with who now…"
"Roxas! No! Stop!"
The blonde shoved Sora onto his bed and straddling him, got one of his hands down the front of the brunettes boxer shorts while the other pinned his wrists to the bed.
Roxas looked menacingly into the brunettes eyes as he stroked him in an attempt to get him aroused.
The only thing he provoked from Sora however were tears of pure anger and hatred and a few words that stayed in his mind for a long time afterwards…
"I fucking hate you…"
Roxas eyes opened wide.
"You… What?"
While Roxas was distracted Sora pulled one of his hands free and punched his brother square in the jaw sending him sprawling to the floor.
Sora slid off the edge of the bed and shaking did up the buttons and zip on his jeans and ran out of the bedroom.
Roxas held his jaw as he lay on their bedroom floor.
<He hates me…?>
Sora ran downstairs in tears calling Axel.
*Hello?*
*Axel? It's Sora…*
Alarm bells went off in Axel's head.
*Wait are you crying? What happened?*
*Can I see you?*
*Sure but…*
*I'll tell you when I get to you okay?*
*Fine… Meet me at the school in fifteen minutes okay?*
Sora sobbed into the phone.
*Yeah… Okay…*
Roxas pulled himself up off the floor and ran down the stairs after Sora only to be met with a door slamming in his face and the sound of his brother's footsteps taking off down the street.
Their mother walked out into the hallway to find Roxas standing there alone with a rather red looking jaw.
"You and Sora still fighting?"
The blonde simply stared towards the door where his twin had run for it and left him behind…
"I really need to apologise to him…"
He ran out of the front door after Sora.
Sora was running full speed down the road tears streaming from his eyes.
<Why did he try to do that to me…
He said he loved me…
He lied…
I can't trust him ever again…>
He heard the screech of car brakes and realizing he was in the middle of the road closed his eyes tightly…
Roxas was running down the street after his twin and watched as the car screeched towards him.
"NO!"
The blonde was frozen to the spot as the car screeched to a halt mere inches away from his brother, who was frozen to the spot.
Axel got out of the car with a cigarette between his lips.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you think it's smart to run out…"
He stopped abruptly seeing who it was in front of his car and simply wrapped his arms around him in shock and relief in knowing that he was okay.
"J-Jesus… I-I didn't know it was you… I was rushing to get to you…"
Sora wrapped his arms around Axel and hugged him tightly sobbing into the redheads shoulder.
"I'm sorry… I wasn't paying attention to where I was going… I just…"
Axel pulled him close.
"It doesn't matter… The main thing is you're safe…"
The redhead led him to the passenger side of his car and sat him down and made sure he was safely buckled in before walking around the car and getting into the drivers side.
Roxas watched as Axel climbed into the car and they drove off together.
<He almost got killed because of me…
His hands found his mouth and his eyes were open wide.
What the hell was I thinking trying that in the first place?
I wanted to apologise but I guess I understand why he ran…>
Axel's heart was still racing.
"Jeez Sora you scared me… When I realised it was you… If I'd have hit you I would've never forgiven myself…"
The redhead looked across the car to Sora who still had tears running down his face and pulled over to the side of the road.
"Sora… Are you okay?"
The brunette was staring blankly out through the windshield.
"Roxas tried…"
The brunette took a deep breath trying to straighten out his thoughts.
"He tried to rape me…"
Axel's eyes opened wide in absolute shock.
"... What? What happened?"
Sora was sobbing but tried to tell his story the best he could.
"I… I was laying on my bed in our room and he asked if I still loved him… And I said I love him because we're twins… And… And I said I was in love with someone else…"
Axel felt butterflies break loose in his stomach despite what he was being told.
"And he said you can't fall in love that fast… But I said we both know what I feel… Then I tried to leave but he shoved me against the closet and started touching me… I told him to stop but then he threw me down onto the bed and pushed his hand down my pants… I told him I hate him then got one of my hands free, punched him in the face and then ran for it…"
The brunette broke down into tears and Axel held him close still unbelieving about what Roxas did…
Axel pulled back a little and tilted Sora's chin up smiling at him.
"Hey…"
The brunette looked up with tears in his eyes.
"Uh huh?"
"I love you too."
Slowly Axel moved in and kissed Sora once softly on the lips.
"You're safe now…"
The brunette nodded.
"I have to go back and get stuff though…"
Axel nodded.
"That's okay… You can stay with me tonight and we'll come back tomorrow when everyone's out and get your stuff. Okay?"
The brunette looked up.
"Does that mean?"
Axel nodded grinning.
"Yeah… I'm coming with you… My parents said they'd sort me out with the first 2 months rent until I get settled and get a job…"
Sora's mouth dropped open.
<I'm getting outta here…
For real?>
"Are… You serious? I mean this idea was crazy and we've only just started…"
The redheads grin grew wider and he kissed Sora softly on the lips.
"Yes Sora… I'm serious, and sure it's fucking nuts… But let's give it a shot anyway… Okay?"
The brunette practically jumped across the seat onto Axel and hugged him closely.
"I promise you I'll be the best room mate ever."
The redhead's cheeks became reddened.
"Well actually that's part of what I wanted to ask you…"
Sora raised an eyebrow.
"Huh?"
Axel took a deep breath.
"I want to be your boyfriend…"
Sora's cheeks reddened considerably as he looked into the redheads bright green eyes.
"I thought you'd never ask…"
Sora kissed Axel slowly on the lips, he straddled him in the front seat giving passer bys an eye full as they kissed passionately…
Sora eventually very reluctantly got back into the passenger seat and put his seat belt back on.
Axel started the car.
"You feeling a little better now?"
Sora nodded slowly getting over the shock of what had happened.
"Yeah…"
Roxas sat alone in their room that night worried, waiting for Sora to come home so that he could apologise and get this horrible weight off his guilty conscience.
<I was completely out of line…
I'll be blessed if he ever talks to me again, or even looks at me again for that matter.
I just want to tell him I'm sorry.>
Roxas dialled his number again…
<Please answer your phone Sora…>
Sora's phone rang for the twentieth time that night…
<Roxas just leave me alone…>
Axel picked up the phone and looked at the number.
"It's a private number will I answer it?"
The brunette shook his head.
"It's him or my parents… And I don't want to talk to either of them to be honest…"
Axel shrugged.
"I could answer and tell him to stop calling."
Sora sighed.
"Trust me… If it was that easy to get him to back off, that situation today wouldn't have happened…"
Axel nodded putting the phone on silent and laying it back down on the bedside table.
"Tell you what then… Tomorrow before we set off, we'll go get your number changed… Give it only to people you know won't tell Roxas… It'll be like a fresh start."
Sora visibly relaxed.
"Yeah… I'd like that…"
Axel kissed Sora gently on the forehead.
"Okay time to get to sleep… We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow…"
Sora nodded and settled down into Axel's bed while the redhead took the futon that his parents had set up on the floor.
"Okay… Night Axel…"
"Goodnight…"
Roxas fell asleep alone that night holding his phone in his hand…
When he awoke…
Sora was still missing.
<He's with Axel that much I do know…
I don't know where Axel lives though…
Maybe he'll be at school today…?>
Slowly Roxas peeled himself up off his mattress.
He was still in the clothes he'd worn yesterday and felt like utter shit in body and mind.
<I'm late for school already…
But I can't go in like this.>
He threw his phone onto the bed and got into the shower.
Axel and Sora pulled up outside Sora's house.
"Do you want me to come with you?"
Sora shook his head.
"I pretty much know what I'm taking already, it's just a matter of getting it into a bag and leaving."
The redhead nodded.
"Alright but leave the door on the latch that way if you run into any trouble all you have to do is call or scream and I'll be right in okay?"
The brunette kissed Axel on the nose and got out of the car.
Axel climbed out too and rested against the closed driver's door.
Sora grinned at him as he walked inside…
"I'll be fine don't worry."
Roxas stood under the shower head motionless.
<I'm an asshole.
Seriously.
I tried to get my brother off against his will.
I don't deserve him.
He loved me so much and I fucked it up royally.
Then when he say's he doesn't love me anymore I try to…>
The blonde shuddered in disgust at himself.
<I don't even understand why I tried to do that…>
A thought of Axel ran through his mind.
<Jealousy…
It's because I'm jealous…>
Roxas hand went up to his mouth to stifle a sob that came from his lips.
<I wanted out of this so bad that I tried to make Sora believe I wasn't interested…
Then when he becomes interested in someone else…
I realise how much I really need him…>
Sora moved quietly up the stairs…
He could hear the shower running…
<Probably just mom or dad has a day off I'll be gone long before they're out…>
Despite the reassurance he gave himself…
There was a worry in the back of his mind that just wouldn't go away…
A worry that made him move quickly into their room and pull things out of presses and closets neatly but at speed and shove them into his haversack.
He wanted to leave the room looking at first glance like he'd never been there…
Like nothing major of his was gone…
Until it was inspected closer…
Roxas heard something fall outside the bathroom and his eyes opened wide.
<Is someone out there…?>
Leaving the shower running Roxas stepped out of the stream of water and quickly drying his legs pulled a pair of jeans on.
Sora looked at the fallen object on the floor and froze.
He knew it had made a loud noise as it fell…
<Please God… Make no one come in here…>
Roxas opened the bathroom door silently and crept out along the landing checking his parents bedroom first…
The brunette listened to the shower still running and loosened up.
<They must still be in the shower…>
He threw the last few bits and pieces into his bag and looked around wondering if there was anything he'd forgotten…
When his eyes came to rest on a bright blue teddy sitting on his bed.
'I'll get you one and you get me one… That way it'll be like they're twins too…'
'But Sora that doesn't make any sense how does that make them twins?'
He had pouted until Roxas had agreed that their teddies would be twins and bought one.
They had then traded them and scribbled their names on the tags…
Roxas would call his one Sora and Sora would call his one Roxas…
That way no matter where they were they would always have a twin to remind them of their twin.
'That way the teddies will have us and we'll have them to keep us company when we're apart…'
Sora looked at the thing with contempt and picking it up put it sitting next to Roxas teddy on his bed.
<I want no part of you in my life Roxas…
Ever again.>
Roxas opened the door to their bedroom just as Sora turned around to leave and gasped.
The blonde blinked a few times in surprise.
"You're… Back?"
Sora tried to storm past him despite the fact that he was trembling with fear.
His haversack got stuck in the doorway but he pulled it with all his might and got it loose again.
"No Roxas… I'm gone for good."
The blonde watched as the brunette started to make his way downstairs with the big backpack and ran into their room.
He opened all the closets and presses in their room realising in horror that this was no idle threat…
Sora had almost everything he owned in that bag…
<I can't let him leave…>
Roxas looked down the stairs…
Sora was no longer there…
"NO!"
He ran towards a window looking for his brother and saw Axel helping him get his stuff into the back of his car he opened the window.
"Sora!"
Axel and Sora looked up towards the window and the redhead closed the boot quickly.
"That everything?"
Sora nodded getting into the passenger side of Axel's car.
Axel climbed into the drivers seat.
Roxas ran downstairs and outside in bare feet towards the car.
"Sora! Please don't go! I'm sorry about what happened just please don't leave!"
Axel started the car up and pulled off quickly leaving Roxas standing alone on the grey pavement.
The brunette could see him getting smaller in the wing mirror of Axel's car as they drove away…
He got smaller and smaller…
Until they turned a corner and he saw him with his own eyes for the last time before he disappeared behind the houses lining the sides of the street.
Roxas watched until the car was out of sight and walked back inside, he managed to get the front door closed behind him before breaking down into hysterical tears.
<He's gone…
For good…>
The blonde pulled himself up off the floor…
Upstairs the shower was still running…
He walked into the bathroom and turned it off again.
Not really wanting to face their bedroom…
Now that the majority of Sora's things were gone.
He sat outside it for hours trying to preserve the moments he was there for as long as possible…
Trying to pretend and imagine that he wasn't really gone…
That all of his clothes and things were still there…
Eventually he plucked up enough courage to face their room alone, he pushed the door open and walked in…
At a glance it looked the same.
But when you looked deeper it was different.
Photos of them together were still up on the walls…
But when he opened the closet…
All of his clothes were gone.
His bed remained…
But the books that usually littered it were nowhere to be found.
He closed his eyes in pure grief…
<He's serious…
He's not coming back and it's all my fault.>
Roxas lay down on his brother's bed that he'd made perfectly and inhaled the scent of him while tears ran down his cheeks…
He looked for Sora's twin teddy and a tiny light of hope lit up in his chest as he sat up and realised it wasn't on his bed…
<Maybe… He still…>
As his own bed came into view his heart sank…
There sitting beside his own 'twin teddy' was an identical one…
With the name 'Roxas' scribbled on the label.
Sora had slept with that teddy beside him every night since they'd bought them…
Last night had been the first night he'd slept without it…
Last night it seems was the beginning of many new things for Sora…
And the beginning of much pain for Roxas…
He held their 'twin teddies' in his arms and for the first time since he was a child cried bitterly simply because, Sora wasn't there.
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